some SICK FUCK just responded to a FIVE YEAR OLD COMMENT I left on a Hamilton animatic to say “I don’t actually care about this comment, I just wanted to remind you you had a Hamilton phase 5 years ago”. What kind of MALICIOUS,
dashboard is an ugly twitterfied mess and i can’t see my own posts. my perfectly healthy laptop has crashed twice today, and only while using tumblr. this might be the update that finally makes me go touch grass
Cryptid boyfriends brainrot
Do you ever catch a glimpse of yourself in a mirror or something and just be like damn. young me would think I’m so cool
Anonymous asked:
Siren au! Instead of meeting in a aquarium like usual, what happens if they meet MC on a stranded boat. Maybe there was a shipwreck and she’s on a life raft, maybe on a piece of wreckage?
ohoOOOOOOO she’s trapped in one of those rinky-dink life rafts with nothing but a tarp over the top to protect herself from the sun and rain, and a few day’s worth of provisions.
What shall she do…
Sans: He’s the first to find her, adrift in the middle of the ocean, with nothing but her raft and rations. Encountering a siren is scary enough on a big boat, let alone in a tiny little raft with nothing to defend herself. She’s forced to watch a monster stalking her as she drifts alone in the endless ocean.
… But for some reason… he doesn’t eat her. When he finally does approach the boat, he talks to her- despite the frightening look in his eyelights he’s strangely approachable. And after that, he starts bringing her supplies. Though she still finds his mannerisms eerie, she’s not exactly going to turn down his help… he brings fish, turtles, edible seaweed, birds he snatches off the water’s surface, plastic bottles for collecting rainwater. If she can’t bring herself to kill something he does it for her. He gives her endless survival tools- and in return, she indulges in his obvious desperation for someone to talk to.
She’d rather the crazy siren wants to help her, after all.
Red: She loves when Red shows up.
Again, at first, she was terrified when a massive shark siren started stalking up to her raft. She very nearly called out for Sans. But then Red popped up, put his arm over the edge of her boat- and he started flirting. She was so shocked that it genuinely made her laugh… something she thought she’d forgotten how to do, considering what she’s going through. He regularly appears to just crack jokes, call her cute, and ask her about her life on land- she never would’ve thought a siren could be so funny. Now, when she hears that familiar “heya, pretty pearl~”, she really can’t help but light up.
He’s clear that he’s there to flirt, to play, to have a bit of fun. His easygoing aura keeps her sane… sometimes, it almost feels like he talks to her just to keep her from going mad.
Sans and Red clearly don’t like each other. They both want to be her favourite, and they’re both territorial. But when they fight, it really frightens her; she retreats into the raft and covers it with the tarp, refusing to come out for hours.
So they behave… just for her.
Skull: He only comes at night, when the darkness is absolute.
She hears the sound of him approaching. His tentacles twisting in the water. She lays flat on her back in the boat, hidden from view under the tarp, terror gripping her entire body. He knows she’s there. She hears something brush against the hull, she hears something tapping a repeating rhythm just inches from her face, she feels when he grips the raft and her entire world instantly seems so fragile. She sees light, colourful glows creeping up from the other side of the raft edge… though her curiosity whispers at her to just look once, to see where the light is coming from, her terror keeps her absolutely stone still every night.
She doesn’t know why he doesn’t just tip the boat, he’s clearly capable of it. She doesn’t know why he never reaches into the raft, only remaining outside. Maybe he’s playing with her. She doesn’t know why he seems to like to hum to her, quietly…
… And she doesn’t know why he’s always gone by sunrise.
Still got that Horror Mafiafell Sans brainrot
—
It wasn’t the first time Sans had pulled you into his lap, by any stretch of the imagination. The wads of cash he so often put in your pocket to ‘make up’ for the time you spent trapped had been difficult to explain to the bank at first- by now, it had happened so often that the tellers just got a look on their faces when they saw you walk in
They called you by name without looking at any paperwork. They probably thought YOU were in the mafia.
It was common bar knowledge how fond he was of holding you through his meals. Nowadays, Lisa would jokingly ‘warn’ you when he came through the doors and his mood was visibly stormy… the deeper his glower, the more likely he was to pull you in without warning when you passed his table, those giant claws sealing tight around a body that immediately became tiny in his presence.
So you should’ve been used to it.
teacherunicorn asked:
Okay, but can you Aggre/ the cryptid boyfriends?
The boys are cryptids who live together for convenience’s sake. Mc moves in with her three very normal, very Not Unusual roommates, who definitely are not at all strange or bizarre or dangerous.
Sans: A close friend of Mc’s that used every trick in the book to slide into her life. He’s good at studying people, good at mimicking acceptable behaviours- so good, in fact, that all of his slightly stranger qualities are passed off as just Sans being weird. One time he mistook a ketchup bottle for a drinking bottle, and downed the whole thing, but everyone just thought he was doing a bit so everyone just laughed. When he acts bizarre, it’s simply Sans being Sans. The others could reveal they’re cryptids and Mc would still think Sans was the odd one out.
He seems so normal, so funny. But he’s been her cryptid for a long time, following her, absorbing her interests and tastes in partners to try and win her over. He’s playing the long game- and it’s working. He acts weird around her all the time and she’s just accepted he’s Like That. She’s even somewhat honoured by the fact that he feels relaxed enough around her to be weird; he brings out the weirdness in her too. They’re weird buddies.
He’d very casually tell her he can ‘shapeshift’. But he’d be reluctant to show his true form- let alone reveal he’s a cryptid.
Red: A serial flirt, popular and handsome, constantly out on the town. Unlike the other two, who need breaks every now and then, Red can hold a different form for days on end with only minor slip ups.
… Deep down, though, he’s incredibly insecure about being a cryptid. He hates the way his cryptid body looks… the way it warps and frightens people, looking like he crawled right out of a nightmare, too much of some things and too little of others. 'Red’ is his ideal body, a handsome badboy, the one who’s surrounded by adoring humans. It’s the only way he feels loveable.
He wants to be a person. He wants to be part of society, he wants to be loved like a human, that’s why he constantly seeks out human flings and one night stands. To him, being in bed with someone signals that he’s winning, and his act is convincing. He doesn’t want Mc to ever know he’s a cryptid, because in his eyes, nobody could ever love a thing like that.
Skull: He isn’t good at acting like a person. He 'hides in his room’ a lot, going out of his window at night to hunt and then returning to sleep through the day. At first, he just crushed on Mc from afar, silently following her around at night or peering through her window… but because of his feelings, because of her, he starts trying to be more humanoid.
He learns some words. He figures out how to eat human food. He practises 'smiling’ in a mirror for hours, to make sure he doesn’t look too frightening. And it can’t be said that he isn’t charming, a lot of his genuine struggles with acting like a person just come across as sweet-natured shyness or social anxiety. He pulls his hood over his face every time she smiles at him; a little because he’s flustered, mostly because when he’s flustered he loses control of his face and his features start shifting and melting in disturbing ways.
Mc likes him a lot. She’s none the wiser that he’s the reason she feels those chills running up her spine whenever she passes the woods.
I was so confused as to why the oldest plant in my collection was randomly dropping leaves. I’ve had her for half a decade without any issue, and I couldn’t figure out what I was doing wrong.
Turns out… there’s a little baby succulent coming up. Nothing was wrong. I’m just a grandmother now.
they said to use the support report feature and pick "feedback" as the category, sending them complaints will be much more useful than @-ing staff. So everyone who hates the new dash? Flood the support box!
BE KIND THOUGH. if you send hate to staff i’ll eat you
“The average US president has been charged with 1.54 felonies” factoid isn’t true. The average US President has been charged with 0 felonies. Donald trump, who has been charged with 71, is a statistical outlier and should not have been counted
Felonies Donld is now up to 79 felonies, for a statistical average of 1.71 felonies per president
Update:
With 91 felonies, felonies Donld has now broken the 2 felonies per president average average (2.02 felonies per president)
I’ve been waiting for this post since I read the NYT headline this morning!
